Constellation: Dissertation

I was extremely hesitant and doubtful of my writing capabilities at the start of this module. I’m aware that academic writing is something i have always struggled with ever since i can remember. I decided to review my writing from previous years, and discovered that my strongest work seemed to be when i was discussing topics surrounding film, and that my fond interest in this subject heightened my ability to write comprehensively about it. It seemed like it would be beneficial for me to continue in this manor and base my dissertation on an area within film that i was particularly interested in.

In my practical work for this year, i have been focussing on the concept of death and it’s role within a modern western culture. Similarly, i based my written work on the subject of horror in early cinema, and as my research of this topic progressed, i found that it had links to my practical work, in terms of media portrayals and perceptions of death within an evolving society.  This proved to be helpful for me, so that as i built up my research on my dissertation question, i could transfer the discussions within my written work, into the practical work i was producing. I found that particular areas of research into fine artists that practiced under a similar theme, lead me to understand the strong link that film has to the world of fine art. Both are a predominantly visual experiences, yet they rely on a dedication of the senses, to enable an effective interpretation of the work.

I found that i really enjoyed working independently this year and being self directed really helped shift my drive to initiate independent advertisement of my work. I think it’s important to recognise in third year, that after university, we are very much left to our own devices, to organise and pursue our careers in our chosen fields. it’s easy to let this slip and form habits based on the academic environment one has adjusted to for the last 3 years. However, for me it has been an insinuative to branch out this year and really sell myself as an artist, in order to gain some business potential once i’ve graduated. I’ve had a couple of exhibitions in Brighton so far, and have managed to make a number of contacts which i can follow up on. As well as commissions, i feel that this year has been really successful for me, and has enabled me to challenge my strengths as an artist. With the benefit of constellation, it has helped me articulate myself better, and allowed me to learn appropriate and useful thinking strategies, when working through a particular problem.

I suppose i would say i’m most proud of my drive this year, more than a specific piece of work, i think my attitude towards my work is what i consider to be the most successful part of this year so far. However, the scale of my work has become greater, and i’ve learnt the importance of quality within everything i do. Working as a professional, one must behave as such. I’ve also found it extremely useful, talking to artists working outside of university. I tend to travel to Brighton a lot and have visited several shows up there, one of which was with the artist Marcus Coates, and i had the pleasure of meeting and talking with him. I find it really inspiring to do this as i feel i gain a huge insight into what it takes to pursue a career in art. It’s nice to know that it is possible to achieve these things, it’s just the technicalities behind how one achieves them seems to be the main issue.

However, throughout my year, i have encountered a series of issues with inspiration in my work. It seems to be a common occurrence, to find oneself lost and debating ones own skills and capabilities to successfully move forward. I’ve found talking to my tutor James Green very helpful at these times. We discuss the problem that i’m facing and then look at potential directions i could move on in. Although sometimes it is not this easy, and i’ve found the best thing to do, is to forgive myself for being human, to take a days break and go somewhere different. For me, a change of environment gives me a fresh mind, and a fresh pair of eyes. I find i’m always looking for ways to shift my perspective on a situation, and when i change my surroundings, i feel that this aides my need to alter my mentality and get me out of my artists block.

I’m really pleased with my work ethic for this year. But i will admit that i found the academic writing, really challenging. I do enjoy learning new things, and i like how most of what you learn, feeds into other areas of your practise. I think it’s more the scale on which i  was required to research and write, i was struggling with the level of expectation, and it put a lot of tension on my faith in my performance. But through determination and perseverance, i managed to pull through. I also think that talking to fellow students helped me when i was doubting myself. Within our discussions, we would be able to relate to each others struggles, and give suggestions on ideas and concepts for the potential direction of the writing.

Over all, i feel that throughout this year, my work has moulded and grown thanks to a much broader range of influences compared to other years. I think with growing awareness of what potential life holds after university, it was a challenge for me to persevere with my interests and really push myself through any set backs, in order to achieve and grow successfully as an artist. I wouldn’t have done it though, if it were not for the support of my tutors and friends. It’s good to recognise that it is not just your work anymore. Your work has become the work of others, and ultimately any work you produce will not stay with you. The nature of being an artist is that your work is ephemeral, and has a limited time in your life, before it is given to another. In this way, i realise now, that whatever i produce, i do not create in solitude. And for that i am grateful.